Dealing with the Difficult Step 5: Act
There is a consistent theme amongst some of my coaching clients right now; they are drowning. In these challenging times of increased workloads and reduced resources, they are feeling increased pressure from bosses and colleagues to deliver more with less. They feel there is no way to turn other than into themselves to draw on deeper reserves of strength and resilience. In truth, it is becoming more difficult to breathe. One client describes the feeling of waking up each morning to a sense of dread that she “needs to do it all over again”. Another falls ill regularly with stomach pains and lower back issues as she soldiers on through impenetrable workloads and escalating expectations.
We are often so deeply entrenched in our view of reality that we cannot see the extent of our suffering. We use labels like ‘difficult’ and ‘challenging’ when in our hearts we are diminishing. Some of us feel abandoned, alone. Many of us feel we have no option but to continue taking the hard path. But there is another option. We can choose to pause and reflect. And we can decide if there is an easier path to take.
If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.
- Maya Angelou -
When we have come as far as we can, we can take action:
1. If your eyes are drawn downwards, look up – if you feel stuck, elevate your standpoint. Get on the balcony to see your situation from a higher vantage point.
2. If you cannot see the positive, change your lens – Sometimes we don’t want to see what is right in front of us. If you are having trouble facing what’s there, ask yourself what your best friend would say to you. What action would they encourage you to take and what do they think you are ready for?
3. Give yourself permission – We often tell ourselves it’s not that bad, we can deal with it, and what doesn’t break us makes us stronger. But suffering in silence is not necessarily strength. Sometimes the braver approach is to admit we need support. No-one will grant us a mandate to ask for help. We simply must choose to act.
4. Seek the right support from the right people – Use your existing network to elicit the support you need. This can be supervisor, mentor, coach or sponsor. They may be within your organisation or a third party. . Or it can be a friend or family member who can connect you to the right help. The chosen path may be informal advice or formal process. Whatever it may be, know that it starts with an initial conversation with one person you trust.
In the face of sustained difficulty, it is common to feel powerless. We feel vulnerable and at risk and often respond by vacillating between the lowest frequencies of victim and conflict energy. And in this vacuum of hope, we lose connection to reality, persuading ourselves that there’s no way out. We turn the solitude onto ourselves and languish as victims – refusing to climb up to the higher vantage point of resourcefulness and capability. But we can choose differently. We can choose support. We can seek the support of others to help us see what we do not yet see as possible.
If you are ready to lead yourself and others more consciously, reach out to find out more about The Conscious Lawyer Coaching Program at https://www.kiranscarr.com/coaching.