Dealing with the Difficult Step 2: Address
Have you ever been part of a team dynamic of avoidance? This can occur when one or more key colleagues are uncomfortable with conflict. In the interests of maintaining harmony, bad behaviour goes unchecked and simmering discontent can fester. The occasional flash of disagreement is quickly supressed in fear of greater drama. Problems are submerged rather than aired. Frustration and resentment grow. Tempers fray. Communication stops. Relationships suffer.
Bad behaviour has lasting damage when we allow it to go unaddressed. So, we must address it at source. Rather than focus on how the problem presents itself at surface level (usually an attack or point of conflict), we must tackle the root of the issue. This requires inquiry and dialogue; we go in search of answers. We do this by having difficult conversations. That’s right! We engage. But we engage, not to attack or defend. We engage to learn.
How to have difficult conversations
Here’s an approach you can deploy when you want to dispel an awkward dynamic between you and a colleague:
Establish rapport – be clear on your positive intentions behind engaging and addressing the matter at hand. Gauge their reaction and invite them to reciprocate with some form of expression of positive intent.
Explore issue – you are engaging to uncover the underlying issue (not deal with the symptoms on the surface). This means asking, listening, and reflecting on what is said. Without judgement and interruption. Respectfully hold a space for your colleague to think and be heard.
Accept what you can - Be open to other perspectives and acknowledge those parts that you identify with or accept. Find common ground through positive consideration.
Redirect what you can’t – It may be naïve to expect 100% consensus to be reached in one conversation. But you can identify points of difference and agree on specific steps that you can take to reach future agreement. Spend time agreeing on next positive steps.
Show gratitude – Praise the behaviour that has led to positive outcomes. Show that you are grateful for the change in effort and share what you have learnt. This will increase the likelihood for future conversations that follow this approach.
When we get comfortable with difficult conversations, our relationships unlock in surprising ways.
By having courage to tackle an issue when it arises, we cut through the challenging dynamic created by the unsaid and unaddressed. It’s not what you say it’s how you say it. So, structure your conversation as a safe and steady space for exploration, mutual respect and honesty. Listen, consider and accept what is shared and know that you are there to learn.
If you are ready to lead yourself and others more consciously, reach out to find out more about The Conscious Lawyer Coaching Program at https://www.kiranscarr.com/coaching.